


confession

by aaxbbxx



Series: Written in The Stars • ASTRO oneshots [34]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Minor Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Minor Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, Sanha overthinks, rocky is slow, umji noona to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 04:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19040953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaxbbxx/pseuds/aaxbbxx
Summary: When his two hyungs pushed him out to the living room to sit, he wonders just who he could trust.Hours later, when all he could accomplish was stare at the wall blankly, he fished out his phone, scrolling through his contacts before his eyes landed on one familiar name. That’s when he knew. He dialled the number, waiting for the person to pickup. When the call was answered, he spoke.“I need you.”





	confession

The rays of the sun were just about to rise, the slow pouring of light into the room, waking the sleeping occupants except for one who had not slept a wink the night before, or the nights before that.

 

Sanha sighed for what felt like the thousandth time, before swinging his legs to the side, standing up from the bed. His gaze went to the other occupied bed in the room (MJ having spent another night with Jin Jin) and he stood there for a moment.

 

Sanha stared at the familiar line of jaw, the faint dark circles from too little sleep, the slight curve of nose, the dips of a frown. He watched as Minhyuk breathed peacefully, sleeping soundly, so unaware of the staring and the conflicting feelings bottled up inside of him. Before he could do something he’d regret, he turned on his heel and opened the bedroom door slowly, leaving the confines of the room, heading straight into the kitchen.

 

Sanha mindlessly moved on auto-pilot, thoughts elsewhere.

 

Being in love was fleeting, especially when you fall in love with someone you know you can never have. Sanha had known for awhile that he had fallen for the youngest rapper. One day, all the looks of admiration turned into longing, and soon he had pitched himself over the edge, and he didn’t know how to come back up, whether he wanted to was another case. He hadn’t told anyone, not the other members even. Sanha was bitter to realize how the other four were split even into couples, and he wished he could have that, but Minhyuk was out of his reach, and would probably never be. So going to one of his hyungs to tell them of his harbouring feelings, seemed impossible though he knew they’d never judge him, but the rest were Minhyuk’s friend too, and they would have the burden to carry his secret. Sanha didn’t want them to bring that with them, sooner or later, the burden would be too much and it’d come out. He fears what would happen if it were to happen.

 

But Sanha also knew he has to talk to someone about it. Someone other than his hyungs.

 

As he accidentally burnt himself with hot water, Jin Jin and Eunwoo suddenly appearing out of nowhere to help him out and look at him with concern, he knew he needs to talk to someone. And soon. Or else, he’d continue on being mindless and careless, and the rest of the members might just catch on to him. He was never a good liar and if they were to ask, he might just blurt his secret out.

 

So when his two hyungs pushed him out to the living room to sit, he wonders just who he could trust.

 

Hours later, when all he could accomplish was stare at the wall blankly, he fished out his phone, scrolling through his contacts before his eyes landed on one familiar name. That’s when he knew. He dialled the number, waiting for the person to pickup. When the call was answered, he spoke.

 

“I need you.”

 

 

 

 

 

Sanha tapped his fingers absentmindedly on the wooden table of a stuffed toys cafe, as he gripped one of many plushies to him for comfort. He was glad he chose this place, since no one would think he’d come here and it was private enough that he could talk to the person he invited out freely, without fear of fans.

 

“Sanha-ssi!”

 

Sanha looked up and smiled widely at the person approaching him, who eventually wrapped him in a hug.

 

“Noona!” He exclaimed widely, before letting Umji go. The latter sitting across from him in the booth.

 

Umji, was someone he became close to when they filmed a variety show called “Yogobara” and Sanha treated her as his older sister. They haven’t met in awhile since Gfriend was busy with their own schedules as well.

 

“Is this how you treat your Noona? Only seeing me because you need something?” Umji said, raising a brow, making Sanha splutter. She waved her hand with a giggle. “I’m kidding. I know we’re both busy with our schedules. But i do admit, what’s got you calling me all of a sudden? Good thing I had some free time today.”

 

Sanha smiled tightly before worrying his lip with his teeth. Umji tsk’d at him.

 

“You’ll make yourself bleed.”

 

Sanha released his lip, and bowed his head a little. “Sorry, noona.”

 

Umji tilted her head to the side, before leaning forward. “So? What’s bothering you?”

 

Sanha stared at her for a long time, or maybe it was just for a second, wondering how he was going to ask her for advice.

 

Sanha bit his lip, before opening his mouth to ask. “So uh... a _friend_ of mine has these feelings for uhm his best friend for awhile. My friend doesn’t know how to handle it and doesn’t know who to talk to since their friends are in the same circle.”

 

Umji leaned back in her seat with a thoughtful expression, and Sanha continued. “My friend is having trouble of keeping his feelings in check, and he’s scared that the person would know anout his feelings because he knows the person doesn’t return it. So what should he do?”

 

Umji tapped a finger on her lips and Sanha stared at her, waiting and jitterish.

 

“If it’s just a crush then there’s nothing to worry about, it’ll probably go away. But does your friend love the person—“

 

“I do!”

 

Sanha slapped a hand over his mouth, before bactracking. “I mean, he does! He does!”

 

Umji stared at him for a bit before giggling. “Awh, you don’t have to pretend Sanha-ssi. I knew it was you and not your so-called friend.” She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. “Who is it?”

 

Sanha could feel the blush on his cheeks going to the rest of his face and he shook his head ‘no’.

 

“Really? You won’t tell me?” Again, Sanha shook his head.

 

Umji rolled her eyes and pouted before grinning. “It’s okay if you don’t tell me, I already know. I was just trying to give you a chance to tell me.”

 

Sanha widened his eyes, before Umji giggled out, “It’s Rocky isn’t it?” Though the question was more of a statement more than anything.

 

“Noona!” Sanha gasped, eyes wide. “What? How? Huh?”

 

Umji laughed before surveying the foods that Sanha had earlier ordered, picking up her fork. She waved the fork around and pointed at Sanha. “You. Are not subtle.”

 

Sanha slumped, still stunned. “But...”

 

Umji sighed and smiled at him. “Don’t worry, I don’t think he knows or the others, I’m just really observant or maybe because I’m a girl?” She shrugged before taking a bite of chocolate cake.

 

Sanha stared at her for a long moment, watching Umji eating the cake, sipping on some kind of latte he ordered for her, and eventually sighing in defeat, slumping on the table, his arm outstretched and his head resting limply on it.

 

Umji, seeing this, placed down her fork and reached out to squeeze Sanha’s arm, comfortingly. “Hey...”

 

Sanha shifted his head so he could look at her but never moving away from his form.

 

Umji gave him a small smile. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours? You didn’t just call me for nothing.”

 

Sanha sighed again, before mumbling. “It’s exactly what I said, I don’t know what to do anymore with these feelings.”

 

Umji tilted her head and gestured for him to continue.

 

Sanha traced patterns on the table, not quite meeting her eyes. “It’s just, Noona, I don’t know what to say or do around him anymore. Every little thing makes me second guess, and it’s getting suspicious. Like usually, I’m fine with all skinship and everything, but lately I’ve been panicking and pulling away at the slightest touch because I’m paranoid he’ll just know!”

 

Sanha stopped his movements, before sitting up and reaching over to drink his iced tea. Umji was silent, just watching him.

 

“Honestly, I can’t talk to the hyungs, because for one, I don’t want them to tease me, and I know they would never tell him about my feelings, but sometimes they are not so subtle, and he’s bound to find out. I called you because I need to get this off my chest, and I trust you. Besides, I know you won’t tell them, aside from the fact that we rarely get together. So there’s that.”

 

Umji hummed, thoughts swirling, eyeing the defeated and tired form of Sanha.

 

“Have you slept at all?”

 

Sanha snapped his head at the out of the blue question. “Huh? No? Not lately at least.”

 

Umji clapped her hands together. “First, you need to just relax and not overthink–“

 

“Easy for you to say!”

 

“–things.” Umji ignored Sanha’s whines. “Second, you need to sleep Sanha, because you look like shit and honestly this will lead to questions from your hyungs and I’m sure you don’t want that. Thirdly, just go with your hut and don’t be afraid. You never know what’s in store for you. You might be surprised.”

 

Sanha tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

Again, Umji ignored him. “Fourth, let’s forget about all these things for now, and have fun today okay? I think you need to relax for now. Let’s go!”

 

With that, Umji stood up, waiting for Sanha to stand as well.

 

“Uh, where are we going Noona?”

 

Umji just winked at him and pulled him out of the cafe and started walking.

 

“You’ll see!”

 

 

 

 

Turned out, Umji brought him to the indoor game place that she and he went to on one of their ‘Yogobara’ episodes, and she was right, he forgot every little worry and just had fun, which he hadn’t had in a while. At the end of the day just before they parted, Umji told him some advice.

 

“Sanha, I probably didn’t do much to ease your problems, but know this, just be yourself and whatever happens, happens, and I’ll always be there to support you. Don’t think too much, and you’ll be surprised at what’s in store if you just go with it.”

 

When Umji waved at him, he waved a good bye, reeling from the somehow cryptic yet simple words of wisdom the older said. It was as of she knew something, but that’s just Umji. He thinks so anyway.

 

Sanha waved the thoughts away and slowly walked home, the sun just beginning to set. When he took out his phone, he saw a bunch of messages from the hyungs and Rocky and when he read them, his eyes widened. He forgot to tell them he went out! He’s gonna be so dead! So instead of walking, he ran as if his life depended on it (it probably was).

 

 

 

 

When he got home minutes later, he was panting and sweating, dreading going in, but he knew the longer he took, the more scolding he’s gonna get and when he opened the front door to five angry faces, he knew he was in it for a while tonight.

 

“Sanha, glad of you to come home.” Jin Jin spoke, with that leader tone of his that held authority and Sanha winced, closing the door softly, and after taking off his shoes, padded into the living room, standing in front of the couch where all five members sat, arms crossed.

 

Sanha felt like he was being called to the principal’s office, but this was worst, since there were five of them.

 

“Where have you been young man?” MJ asked, frown on his face, sitting beside Jin Jin.

 

“You didn’t tell us you were going out!” Bin exclaimed, the same frown etched into his features, and Sanha flinched.

 

“You didn’t call or text us. You know how worried we are?” Eunwoo spoke lowly, calm yet scary.

 

Rocky didn’t say anything, just stared at him with a look, and he avoided it.

 

“I’m sorry hyungs.” Sanha bowed his head in apology and remorse. “I honestly thought I left a message and I forgot about the time. I didn’t mean it!”

 

Sanha looked up and pouted, using his adorableness to sway them. He knew he got to them when their features softened and they all let out audible sighs. Bin stood up and came to him, slinging an arm around his shoulder.

 

“Please, next time, don’t forget to tell us, okay? We just want to know if you’re safe.” He said softly, stern.

 

“Yes, Bin-hyung.” Sanha nodded his head rapidly.

 

“You didn’t answer my question, where did you go?” MJ leaned against Jin Jin, the leader having an arm wrapped around him, and his face was full of curiousity. “You didn’t do anything illegal didn’t you?”

 

Sanha spluttered, “M-hyung!”

 

Eunwoo laughed, “Hyung be serious.”

 

Jin Jin and Rocky covered their faces and shook their heads.

 

MJ raised a brow, “I am serious.”

 

“Hyung,” Sanha called out, “honestly. I didn’t do anything illegal. I was meeting Umji-noona.”

 

Bin made some sort of noise, while the rest of the guys had a surprised look.

 

“We went to talk about some stuff then we played at the indoor game park I told you guys about.”

 

The others gave an ‘ahh’ before nodding.

 

“Okay, I’m sure Sanha is tired, let’s let him wash up and we can start on dinner. Babe, c’mon.” Jin Jin stood up, then went and hugged Sanha and patted his head, before heading to the kitchen, MJ following him.

 

“Go on! You stink!” Bin pushed Sanha, to which the younger pouted as Eunwoo laughed, pulling Bin to the kitchen to help the older two prepare dinner.

 

Sanha went to the bedroom, got his clothes and towel and slipped inside the bathroom.

 

Thank goodness, they weren’t that mad, or he would be their dinner tonight.

 

 

 

 

After having dinner, and lights were off, Sanha was in the same dilemma again. Everyone has been asleep for a couple of hours now, except him. The dorm was quiet and if he tossed and turned one more, the others in the room would know he’s awake. So, he slowly got out of his bed, grabbing his blanket, and tiptoed out of the room, and into the living room.

 

Sanha sighed in frustration as he laid on the couch, looking up the ceiling. At this point, he should just never sleep anymore, even if he really wanted – needed – to.

 

“Can’t sleep again?”

 

Sanha gave a small squeal as Rocky popped into his lone of sight, and he clutched his chest in fright. “Ahh!”

 

Rocky smirked and went around the couch, asking him to scootch.

 

“Uh, we won’t fit.” Sanha stammered.

 

“That never stopped you before.” Rocky pointed out and went and laid down beside Sanha, facing him.

 

At this position, Sanha could count how mnay lashes the older had, and how pretty his eyes were. He warned his heart and brain to calm before he went into overdrive at the close proximity. But when Rocky slipped a hand over his waist, he was sure the hard thumping of his heart can be heard. Sanha tried not to stare, so his gaze went to the rapper’s forehead trying to avoid his gaze. But the older made it hard.

 

“Hmm, why are you avoiding me?” Came the murmured tone.

 

“Huh? No!” Sanha winced as it came out not convincing at all.

 

Sanha looked down to see Rocky rolled his eyes at him. “Sanha I’m not stupid.”

 

“Erm...” that was all Sanha could say.

 

“Why did you meet Umji?” Rocky asked, changing the subject, but that wasn’t at all better.

 

“Uh, we haven’t seen each other in awhile.”

 

Rocky nodded, but peeked up at him. “You said you had something to talk about with her.”

 

Sanha nodded.

 

“What were you guys talking about?”

 

Sanha froze, he didn’t exactly want to tell Rocky because they were talking about _him_. Rocky regarded the way he lay rigid, and frowned.

 

“You know you can tell me anything right?”

 

“Right.”

 

Rocky sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I hope your talk ended well.”

 

Sanha only nodded again. It was a moment or two before Rocky spoke.

 

“You’re not talkative much lately huh?” He pointed out. “If I didn’t know any better, you have a problem with me.” He ended with a snort.

 

But again, Sanha froze, and when Rocky noticed this, he pulled away slightly, but still laying down close enough, the couch not giving them that much space to begin with.

 

“Sanha? Did I do something wrong?” Rocky asked worriedly, because he wouldn't ever do anything on purpose and if he did do something, he'd rather clear things up between them, especially since he's trying to cross a new bridge with the younger.

 

Sanha bit his lip and shook his head ‘no’.He should have just stayed in the room, there he could have just faced the wall and prevented all this from happening.

 

“Then what is it?” Rocky pushed, wanting to know exactly what he did or didn't do.

 

Sanha closed his eyes and shook his head ‘no’.

 

“Sanha? Is it something I didn't do? Did I forget an important thing?”

 

Sanha squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “Nothing...”

 

It was silent before Rocky wrapped an arm around him again, hold secure and desperate.

 

“Sanha, just tell me so I can fix it. Do it. Make it up to you or whatever else! I don't like you being so far from me.”

 

How can Sanha tell him that he _can’t_ fix anything because he did _nothing_ wrong. It was all Sanha’s feelings, all _his_ fault for acting this way. He didn't like the distance he placed between them either

 

He heard Rocky sigh and mutter, “fuck it”, before he felt something press against his lips for a moment before it disappeared.

 

Sanha snapped his eyes open and looked down at Rocky who stared at him unmoving, defiant.

 

“R-Rocky!” Sanha spluttered.

 

Rocky shrugged and smirked shyly (if that was even possible, but Rocky definitely can do anything so why was Sanha even surprised). “I wanted to do that for a while, but you kept pulling away lately so I can never make my move. So I decided, enough’s enough. Also since you somehow have a _problem_ with me and I hoped this could somehow fix it a little bit.”

 

Sanha gaped down at him, heart beating a mile per minute, as Rocky continued to smirk, before his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

 

“Umji-noona texted you didn’t she?”

 

Rocky’s smirk only widened, before he reached up to pinch Sanha’s cheeks, slowly trailing his fingers on the soft skin after as he spoke. “Hmm, not technically. I contacted her first, about a week or so ago. Then she had her suspicions. Because I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way. So she assured me, she'd get to the bottom of it.”

 

Sanha’s mind swirled then he remembered all those cryptic words Umji-noona told him, then he realized.

 

“So she knew?! That’s why she was telling me to just relax and shit!” Sanha muttered to himself, before Rocky tugged at his hair, getting his attention, and he was still pouting, stunned at the revelation.

 

“Since we established we like each other, can I kiss you properly now?”

 

Sanha gaped, watching Rocky’s raised brow, before nodding slowly, a blush rising in his cheeks. Rocky’s smirk turned into a soft smile that Sanha loved and he leaned up to press another kiss on the younger’s mouth, pressing their lips together gently.

 

When they pulled away, Rocky wrapped his arms tightly around Sanha as the younger slipped down the couch so he could lay more comfortably, with Rocky snuggled close to his neck.

 

“Now, please, sleep? I know you haven’t been sleeping lately.” Rocky mumbled into the soft skin of Sanha's neck, breath tickling and making Sanha giggle.

 

Sanha scoffed, feeling the pull of sleep against his eyelids. “That’s your fault.”

 

As he fell into slumber, the last thing he heard was Rocky’s exclamation.

 

“W-what? Sanha what do you mean by that?”

 

Safe to say, when Sanha woke up the next morning, feeling alive and well rested, it wasn’t just because he finally had some sleep. If he woke up brighter than usual, and with a morning kiss from Rocky, he should have just confessed way earlier (though he did end up _not_ confessing since Rocky did that all on his own, but it's just semantics, right?)

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Yogobara again, and I just like that Sanha made an older sister in Umji :) and ohmygosh this boy calls her 'hyung' so many times hahaha
> 
>  
> 
> also prob not my best work, but i'm working on my skills sorry!


End file.
